im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
