every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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