Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize