She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
