we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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