Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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