I'm eating all of the evidence.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize