just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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