I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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