Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize