I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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