hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
