I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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