Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
