Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
