you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
