yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize