tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
