My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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