conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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