boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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