I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I need water and some morals
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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