I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
