You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
