i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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