Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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