remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
