if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
