My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
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