Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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