No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
