biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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