you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i dont even know how to be here
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
