I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
