made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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