I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
