here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize