What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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