I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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