ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
