You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize