You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
