I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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