My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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