I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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