Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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