I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
this beer tastes like vomit already
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
