so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
