his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
