i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
