Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
