HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
