Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
