You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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