On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woke up backwards on a recliner
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
