Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
