Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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