hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
