I hope my margaritas pass through security.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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