I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
