she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
