oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize