i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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