It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
