Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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