If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
