Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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