cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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