do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
