don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
